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220 S. Burlington Ave. Suite 4
Hastings, Nebraska 68901
Mardi Gras Fundraiser
March 12, 2016: Join us for our largest fundraiser of the year!
Denim Day 2016
April 27th: You and your business can help raise awareness about the issue of sexual violence by wearing denim
ESCAPING AN ABUSIVE CHILDHOOD
A Survivor's Story
At SASA we are proud to say we are able to help people escape domestic violence. Here are stories from survivors.
"He almost destroyed me. I've been free for 15 years. I still have many painful memories. I am still rebuilding my life, taking back what he tried to steal from me, who I was, what I was, and who I really am."
This is a 'short' version of a waste of 29 years that I wish I could 'take back.' Several years ago I was going to school in Hastings and my friends fixed me up with a blind date. He and I dated for several months then he enlisted in the Army and I was left alone. Instead of buckling down to my studies and having friends, I was being patient for letters from him.
I wandered around campus, to the places where we had hung out. One day exploring, I met the guy I would be married to. We got quickly involved, too quickly. My previous boyfriend was in basic training, and I didn't hear much from him, so I thought that was over. I broke up with him while he was on a personal family leave. The following spring I married my new love.
We moved out to his family farm which was where I learned that he had a temper already, he was manic depressive and as I found out, a controller and a manipulator. I had had many fights with my family, friends, and coworkers over him; they were all against him. The more they tried to talk me out of him, the harder I hung onto him. I know now, that's called 'the Stockholm Syndrome' where the hostages defend the terrorists!
To make a long(er) story short, there were 29 years of yelling, criticizing, name calling, fault finding, endless hard work on a farm, lots of increasingly rough, aggressive sex. The periods of niceness, sweetness, and happy that I knew, when we were first together became fewer and lesser, until there was mostly verbal/emotional warfare of some kind. It wasn't long into the relationship, before I was too afraid and too proud to admit defeat, let alone ask for any kind of help to escape, and soon I would have 3 children to protect too. The kids took their dad's side and I have little contact with them or their children. I regret that I didn't use your services, or ask for help years before I did finally summon the courage to leave, before I was destroyed by his abuse.
Everything was my fault. He got all the glory of being a parent. I did ALL the dirty work.
I contacted SASA, once after the kids were born; but I saw no way to support myself with 3 small children and not fight a custody battle with him as well. So, I hunkered down, did the best I could and my self-esteem and self-worth slowly went downhill and I was dying mentally, my physical health went downhill, too. I thought often seriously about killing myself but I couldn't let him get the 'glory' of being a widower, whose wife had killed herself. The second time I contacted SASA, I was in Hastings alone and I filled out a form at the office.
I marked ALL the questions concerning verbal/emotional abuse. The woman I talked to said, “you have a shell of a marriage and he WILL physically abuse you.” He was so big, strong, and had a terrible temper so I was too afraid to make him mad. I stayed with him over a decade after that second form was filled out. I stayed until the 2 youngest children were almost out of high school. Two of my friends finally came forward to offer me help to leave, find a place to stay, get a divorce lawyer.
The kids took their dad's side and I have little contact with them or their children. I regret that I didn't use your services, or ask for help years before I did finally summon the courage to leave, before I was destroyed by his abuse, overwork. The kids had to have him committed a month after I did leave because he had a nervous breakdown. He hadn't taken his medication as he should have for all the years we were together.
As I say, I was blamed for everything. The kids blamed me for causing his breakdown after I left. I regret that I broke up with the nice guy I was seeing, and ever met my ex at all. It was a waste of 29 years. He almost destroyed me. I've been free for 15 years. I still have many painful memories. I am still rebuilding my life, taking back what he tried to steal from me, who I was, what I was, and who I really am.
"Although I cannot change my childhood, I was determined to not let it define and shape my future. So I strive to be better every day; I look back from time to time, but only to see and remind myself how far I've come."
I was around 6 years old. I was crying because my father and my mother were going to church and leaving me and my 5 year-old brother alone in the house. So he slapped me; picked me up by my neck and threw me across the living room. Throughout my childhood he would do things to torture us emotionally. He would pick out a branch every Sunday and slowly sand it and smooth it, drilled a hole and hung it on the wall. He would beat us with it. He also had a collection of different cords to beat us with and would display them very proudly. I was not allowed to look at him or talk when he was around.
At the age of 9, after one more of many beatings, my mother came to console me yet again and said, with tears in her eyes, “you’re safer on the streets." After that I became a runaway child and self-destructive. My dad would report me as runaway; I was the daughter of the pastor’s right-hand-man, police officers would find me and bring me back. I told them my story but they never believed me; they just thought I was a troublemaker and nothing more. I started fighting back, although I would always end up unconscious. When I would come to, he would still be beating me; he would only stop until he was tired and out of breath or if I cried. But I willed myself to never cry in front of him. By the time I was 12 years-old I had attempted commit suicide twice.
Although I cannot change my childhood, I was determined to not let it define and shape my future. So I strive to be better every day; I look back from time to time, but only to see and remind myself how far I've come.
A Victory after 29 years
A Survivor's Story
Estimate yearly number of unduplicated volunteers in direct client services: 5
Estimate the yearly number of unduplicated volunteers in non-direct client services: 48
We hosted our first ever Dancing Away Domestic Violence event with a fun-filled Zumba class led by Nery Shafer. We coined the day as an opportunity to "Be Fit! Have Fun! and Raise Awareness!" We had over XX participants and raised $XX! Thanks to everyone who participated!
Denim Day is a day in which we asking local businesses and schools to wear jeans to support the survivors of sexual violence in our community. Wear jeans to show your protest against sexual violence!
To be a source of help, hope, safety, and inspiration to survivors of domestic and sexual violence. We embrace and focus on the story of each individual with deep concern and care in order to understand, facilitate, advocate, and support.
SASA Crisis Center | 220 S. Burlington Ave. Suite 4 | Hastings, Nebraska 68901 | 402-463-5810 | firstname.lastname@example.org
Project supported by Administration of Children and Families through the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act (G-1501NEFVPS).
The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this site are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or the Adinistration of Children and Families.