Our Stories
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TEEN DATING
My relationship with John started off great. He was funny, charming, and sweet. We had only been dating for a couple months when he told me he loved me. I was not ready for that yet but I thought I would lose him if I didn’t say it back. Our realtionship seemed normal back then...but then things began to change. He started questioning my clothing and even told me one time that I looked like a slut. He would get mad if any guy even looked in my direction but I thought his jealousy meant that he loved me. Soon enough I realized it was his way of keeping control over me. He would often make the plans for our dates without even asking me. He didn’t care if I wanted to do the things he chose or not. Then one night he offered me drugs. I tried to tell him NO, but he forced me to try it. Then he wanted to have sex with me. Because…
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TEEN STORY
At the age of 15 years old, I was one angry girl. You’d be angry too, carrying around a rock in the pit of your stomach. One constant thought, “Why is this happening to my family?!?!” Why was I so angry, at my stepfather who has been a part of my life since I was four? At first he seemed pretty nice, and but after a while he got mean. When he would come home in a bad mood I would get really scared. When he was mad he would usually start yelling, then screaming, and then hitting would start(usually Mom). Everyday my entire family had to be ready to adjust to his mood.
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My life was good. I had a job and friends, I was close with my family, my boss had just given me a promotion. Everything was going along as planned.
One night I went out with some friends to the bar.
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My journey was not quick or easy. I went down many paths before finding the right one. My relationship was just like any other in the beginning, loving, caring, wanting to spend all our time together. But things started to change.
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TEEN DATING
My relationship with John started off great. He was funny, charming, and sweet. We had only been dating for a couple months when he told me he loved me. I was not ready for that yet but I thought I would lose him if I didn’t say it back. Our realtionship seemed normal back then...but then things began to change. He started questioning my clothing and even told me one time that I looked like a slut. He would get mad if any guy even looked in my direction but I thought his jealousy meant that he loved me. Soon enough I realized it was his way of keeping control over me. He would often make the plans for our dates without even asking me. He didn’t care if I wanted to do the things he chose or not. Then one night he offered me drugs. I tried to tell him NO, but he forced me to try it. Then he wanted to have sex with me. Because I was still a virgin I told him I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to wait until it would be really special...I wasn’t ready for sex. But he said that if I didn’t have sex with him he would tell my mom that I did drugs. I felt that I had no choice.
Things only got worse from there. He would say that if I ever left him he would kill himself. So I was afraid to tell my parents because I knew they would forbid me to see him. One day someone stopped me in the hall at school and called me druggie. I was shocked and asked them why they called me that. I was told to ask my boyfriend, John. After lunch that day, my best friend told me that she heard John was starting rumors about me doing drugs and having sex with him and that it was all my idea! People in the hallways were whispering my name and giving me dirty looks. The next day John sent a huge bouquet of flowers, saying that he was sorry but he was mad at me because I made decisions without him. I asked him what he was talking about. He replied it was my choice to try out for dance team. He didn't like the idea of me dancing in front of other people...he said he wanted to make sure I didn't make the team, but only because he loves me and that he didn't want to share me. He knew my best friend had told me about his starting the rumors and forbid me from talking to her again. Whenever my phone rang he would take it from me and tell whoever it was that I didn’t want to talk to them.
My relationship with John lasted a year and a half. I found myself without friends and no longer close to any of my family. I didn’t have anyone to turn to. My grades slipped and my mother, unable to figure out what was going on with me, took me to a counselor. After several sessions I felt comfortable telling my counselor about John. My counselor told me that his abuse was not my fault. She encouraged me to share with mother what I was feeling, and she gave me information about the local domestic violence crisis center. I spoke with the youth advocate and she helped me to see how dangerous John was and offered me support and options.
Soon after I got a protection order against John, but he was still there everyday at school. It was difficult to move past everything that had happened. My advocate and counselor taught me things about relationships; what to look for as warning signs of an unhealthy relationship and what to expect from a healthy one.
Most of all they gave me the confidence to know that no one deserves to be abused, and if you have been abused, you don’t have to struggle with it alone and that there is help available.
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